A Life Reflection: Aspergers

Okay, so I just found out this morning that I have Aspergers Syndrome. Not only do I have it, but I've had it my entire life and it's the reason I have zero social skills and have issues making friends. And come to find out, my mom knew about it the entire time.

I don't even know what to do from here. It's one thing to have ADD because its just something that has to do with attention and focusing. But having AS is like telling me my entire personality that I thought was mine isn't actually. Now this thing is hanging over my head and I don't even know if it's me or the Aspergers. I'm not even diagnosed. If I get diagnosed, I don't think I'd want to tell anyone. It's so embarrassing.

The thing is, I never thought anything was wrong with me. I just thought the world is the worst place in the universe and I'm probably better off in outer space. Except everyone else needs to go to outer space because I love Earth.

Now I'm a defective human and I can't even tell people about it because they'll start labeling and pitying me and I couldn't handle it if that happened.

I think the thing I'm most upset about is that my mom knew and she just let me think that I'm crazy because I can't figure out how to function in society when it's the easiest thing for everyone else. This new thing I learned about myself is of the life-altering magnitude. The only good thing about this is now that I know what it is, I can research and figure out how others are coping so I can troubleshoot my own life.

I just wish I could tell my friends and family about it without sounding like I'm making excuses for all of my bad manners for the entirety of my life.

And I was worried about an existential crisis in my last post.

An Introspective Reflection

I've been going through an existential crisis as of late. I'm not in school, I don't have a job, and I still live with my parents. It's not a bad place to be in at 23, but I need to move forward with my life. I need to be able to support myself without having to rely on my parents. Life, as it turns out, is more than just reading books and watching Netflix. And surely I can't get by from my meager wages as a babysitter.

I feel I've reached a stalemate in my life. I've tried working in an office setting, but I'm much too hot-tempered for that. I've tried working in fast food, but, well we just won't talk about that. *shudders*

It seems like I've reached a place in my life where I need to make money but don't have the talent or skills to do it.

While browsing articles about unconventional jobs, I stumbled across a particular article about being good at stuff. The jist of it was that I need to be brutally honest with myself about what I am and what I am not good at.

So, there's this: I am good at reading fictional books. I am good at writing (sometimes). I am good at drawing (also sometimes). I am good at loving my dog (all the time). I seem to do well with introspection and with philosophical thought as well.

That is how I've ended up here. Among all of the things I am good at, maybe blogging is the happy medium. I want to spend some time being honest with myself and a blog seems a great place to do that. Chances are, I'm just talking to myself anyway. If you stumble across my blog and decide it's worth your attention, feel free to leave a comment It'd be cool to know how other's might be coping with similar situations in their lives.

God bless! I hope you have an enlightening day!